


A Literal Child

by TheShinySword



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 19:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShinySword/pseuds/TheShinySword
Summary: “I think Kasumi is actually a child pretending to be a high school student.”When Tae brings up the entirely ridiculous and all together impossible idea that Kasumi might actually be a kid, Arisa tries her best to dispute it. But more and more the world seems to confirm her growing suspicions. Surely, she isn't dating a literal child?!





	A Literal Child

“I think Kasumi is actually a child pretending to be a high school student.”

“You think what now?” Arisa stared dumbstruck at Tae across their usual lunchtime circle. If this was an attempt to distract Arisa from her bento, it was working.

Saya laughed, “Normally, Arisa calls Kasumi a child.”

“No,” Tae shook her head, “I’m not calling her childish. I think she is a child.”

“Huh?” Arisa’s brain tried to wrap around what Tae was saying, “it’s true that she’s immature, easily distracted, bad at school but…” Arisa searched for a proper defense. “I mean, she doesn’t _look_ like a little kid.”

Tae nodded solemnly, “She’s a tall child.”

“What.”

“Tall enough that when she wandered into the wrong school everyone just assumed she was a high school student.”

“T-that’s completely ridiculous, Saya? Rimi? You guys agree right?” Arisa turned to her other friends, but found them staring past her at Kasumi sketching out new stage layouts in crayon.

“Well, when we first started playing together I thought it was odd that Kasumi would always play twinkle twinkle little star. But maybe she just didn’t know any other songs because she’s in elementary school,” Rimi wondered quietly.

“Kasumi just likes that song, everyone’s got a favorite song!” Even if she was the only person in the whole world who’s favorite song is ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’.”

“She always calls herself a first grader. I thought it was just a quirky way to say freshman but now...” Saya shrugged.

“That’s technically correct!” Arisa pivoted.

“Whenever I show her new lyrics she always asks me to read them out loud,” Rimi said.

Tae snapped her fingers, “Because she can’t read.”

“She can definitely read! I’ve seen her read many times!”

“Name one time.”

Arisa stared a hole into the ground,“No thank you.”

“It sounds crazy but Kasumi says she grew up around here but I don’t know anyone who remembers her,” Saaya sighed.

“Wait no!” Relief flooded Arisa, “Kasumi grew up with Hagumi!” The relief turned into panic, “Oh no.”

“Ah,” Tae gasped, unsurprised, “Hagumi is also a child.”

“Oh! She’s the right size!” Rimi added, trying to be helpful.

“Neither of them are children!”

There was a long moment where they sat with the bizarre possibility of their friend and bandmate’s true age. Finally, Rimi raised her hand, “wait, this doesn’t make sense.”

Arisa sighed, relieved, “At last.”

“I don’t understand why would Kasumi pretend to be a high schooler for so long?”

“Don’t legitimize this dumb theory!”

“Maybe it’s some kind of global conspiracy,” Tae said, staring dreamily into a vision no one else could see, “there could be a whole network of little kids posing as high school students.”

“But why?!”

“World domination.”

Rimi and Saya laughed, Tae had finally gone too far with the gag. Of course Kasumi wasn’t really a child, they admitted, that would be too crazy to believe. But the idea wouldn’t leave Arisa alone. It would explain so much, the sparkling star beat, her cheerful personality, that weird hair style, if Kasumi was actually an elementary school student.

Except if Kasumi was a child…

If Kasumi was a child…

What did that mean for Arisa, the girl dating her?!?

~~~

Arisa spent the rest of the day in a paranoid haze, analyzing her girlfriend’s every action for signs she was secretly under ten years old. Everything Kasumi did suddenly had hidden meaning. When the teacher called on Kasumi and she couldn’t find the place they were reading from in the book Arisa wondered, did she not know where they were in the book because she was ditzy or because she couldn’t read the book in the first place?

After school, when Kasumi took Arisa’s hand just before a crosswalk Arisa couldn’t help but think, are we holding hands because we’re dating or because she can’t cross the street on her own?! When Kasumi talked about her hyper competent sister Arisa almost screamed out loud: because you’re actually the younger sister, aren’t you?!

Arisa didn’t want to admit it but between believing a large scale child run conspiracy was unfolding before them or that Kasumi was just a cheerful moron, the former was becoming an increasingly reasonable proposition. She needed to talk to someone who could set her mind at ease, someone who knew what it was like dating someone who always ordered from the kids menu, and she needed to avoid a mildly uncomfortable conversation with the girl she liked.

And that’s how Arisa ended up at Misaki Okusawa’s house.

Misaki listened very thoughtfully to Arisa’s story from her front door. She nodded her head in all the right spots, hmmed and I see’d appropriately and when Arisa was finished she furrowed her brow and said:

“I don’t understand. You think Kasumi is childish?

“No,” Arisa violently shook her head, “I think she might be a literal child.”

“I understand where you’re coming from but there’s no way that could be true,” Misaki’s mind flashed through everything had happened to her since joining Hello, Happy World. “It probably couldn’t be true? The more I think about it, the more plausible it becomes.”

“Right?! I need your advice. You’re dating Tsurumaki right? How can you be sure she’s not actually a little kid?”

Misaki’s eyes grew distant with memory, “Kokoro is… definitely an adult.”

“But how do you know?”

“There are some things you can only do as an adult.”

“Some thing I can only do as an adult? Like taxes?”

Misaki smiled, bemused, “Arisa, is it possible you’re the child?”

“Please don’t tease me,” Arisa said, trying to hide her bright red face. “Hey Misaki, if Kasumi really is a kid, how bad is that?”

“Very bad. That’s a crime Arisa.”

“What if my girlfriend is actually two children stacked in a school uniform?”

“Double illegal.”

“A highly advanced robot remotely controlled by a child!”

“That might be a legally gray zone.”

“Argh,” Arisa groaned. “I wish there was a way I could know for sure.”

“You could ask her.”

“If only there was a way to know.”

“Please just talk to your girlfriend.”

“Maybe I can find her birth certificate.”

“I’m texting her to come pick you up.”

“Wait what!”

“Goodbye and good luck,” Misaki swung the door closed. She drummed her fingers against the door frame, looked down at her phone and composed a new message.

**To Kokoro:**

**Do you have your birth certificate handy?**

~~~

“I was super confused when Misaki texted me but I’m glad we get to be together a little longer!” Kasumi grinned over her shoulder at the girl she was dragging along by the hand. “I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“I just needed her help with a problem,” Arisa said, avoiding Kasumi’s line of sight.

“Did she tell you I’m really seven years old?”

Arisa stopped walking, her mouth falling open. “She told you?!”

“Heh,” Kasumi’s smile turned sheepish, “O-Tae did. Well, actually she asked me if I was an agent of the underground kids revolution and it kind of got weirder from there.”

Realization drew over Arisa, “So the whole time I was stressing over this...”

“I was gonna tell you but you’re really cute when you get worked up.”

“I-I am not! That’s no reason to keep me in the dark like that.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Kasumi held her hand up in apology. “I know I can be kinda dense and a little childish but that’s just who I am, ya know?”

“Yeah, I k-know,” Arisa looked everywhere but at Kasumi.

“Hey, look at me.” Kasumi reached out and tugged Arisa’s chin up, forcing their eyes to meet.

Oh. Arisa blushed as her heart thudded faster in her chest, of course Kasumi wasn’t a little kid. She wouldn’t be able to feel this way otherwise.

Kasumi dark eyes narrowed with her sly smile, “Why don’t I show you just how adult I can be?”

~~~

“Sorry, that movie’s rated R,” The box office attendant tapped the screen. “You guys are clearly too young for this.”

“Aw man,” Kasumi laughed, “I really thought we could sneak in!”

Arisa could only look up to the sky, “In the end, we’re both children, huh.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's pretty rare nowadays that something makes me want to write fanfiction, I wonder what it means that this is what I come up with when I do...  
I got into Bandori about a month ago. I'm pretty consistently surprised by how well it's written but a couple of the characters seem to really vary depending on the event or the medium. Kasumi can be a really fun character in the game but I tried watching the anime and it turns out it's actually really weird to watch a 15/16 year old sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for fifteen minutes. And so here we are. I really like happy dummy characters but there's such a narrow line to "might actually be a kid..." Good luck Arisa.  



End file.
